Friday, January 30, 2009

Day 66: Just a fact.

Can I get personal here for just a second?

Today is one of those days when I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 6 hours, minus 4 minutes, until The Spouse comes home. Because here's a fact about being a stay-at-home mom: it can be gosh-awful lonely. Sometimes it feels like you don't have a single friend on the planet. (And really, there are days when it doesn't just *feel* like it, but it's actually true.) The worst is trying to call all the other stay at home moms, only to find that none of them are home. Now, while I'd like to believe that they're all sitting on their kitchen counters in their pajamas and just don't feel like answering the phone, I tend to believe that they're either all at some fun playdate to which I *wasn't* invited or, more likely, they're all at Costco with their shiny Costco memberships.

So, whilst all the other stay at home mothers are sampling the latest mini-pizza delicacies and maneuvering those massive carts down aisles of Boca Burgers and crates of Vitamin Water, I'm here at home trying to think of a single reason to exercise, get in the shower, put on makeup, or turn off PBS Kids. (I already turned it off once this morning, and such catfighting brawls occured after only 15 minutes that I decided it wasn't worth it.)

And now you know why I never post during the day.


Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

You can call me anytime you want. Seriously. I will not be at a playdate or at Costco and it's very likely I will be in my pajamas (or the clothes I fell asleep in last night). Lonely hurts. I'm sorry.

InkMom said...

I hardly ever go anywhere. And sometimes it's my greatest accomplishment to bathe before my husband gets home from work. So, call me. I won't be on playdates either because my kids are totally too wild and crazy for other people to invite them over.

ME said...

I thought I was the only one who got like that. Sorry. It stinks.

K and M said...

I can't remember how I stumbled upon your blog, but it's been a while that I've been lurking. Your post today struck home because I have those days frequently too, specifically just yesterday when I locked myself in my bedroom and cried for 20 minutes while my 2 year old pounded on the door and screamed for me to come out. I felt so lonely and depressed that I couldn't even make myself open the door. Thank you for helping me feel like there are others who understand. Although it would be weird to call me, a stranger, during those moments, know that you're not really alone in what you're going through.

DeNae said...

Oh, you awesome, front-line SAHMs! I could fill volumes on how I've been where you are. And I know that promises that this sense of isolation is temporary often do little to fill that well of yours.

But the day you go to your car and put on only one seatbelt is the beginning. Opening just one door comes next. And soon it's just YOU in the car - everyone else can look after themselves for a couple of hours - and you know the lights are coming on again.

Hang in there. It's survivable.

Denise said...

Well, this post seems to have struck a cord in others. I'm genuinely sorry too. Sensing that I am probably one of your older followers- old enough to be mom to most and grandma to some others - I stand in a place that is in your future. Did I have days like yours? I'm sure, but I do not remember them very well. Was it simply that as a mother of young children I lived in a place and during a time, that my neighbors were my friends? When I was lonely I'd go next door and return the cup of sugar I borrowed the week before. I served others with these women, our children went to the same school, we shared the same neighborhood park, no need to plan playdates and joy school. How regrettable that things have changed so much. We are isolated in our homes, row upon row, and for a good share of our waking hours most of those homes are empty- parents off to work, kids off to day-care. How blessed are little children whose tender little days are centered around home, where mommie is, and where daddy comes at the end of each day. That is becoming a rare, but increasingly precious, circumstance. Oh, if you could stand in life where I stand for a moment-look back, feel the joy of a grown child who is now also a friend, of seeing their little babies. Hearing the sound of your now empty house-echos in your heart and a sweet longing for one more day of sticky tables, pudgy hands, tiny socks and sweet breath that smells of cheerios. Does your mothering require self discipline, hard work, and much sacrifice? Absolutely, positively. During difficult times I used to ask myself this question- "If you could be anyone you wanted to be, and could do anything that you wished, who and what would that be?" My answer was almost always "Myself, and here doing what I'm doing." My prompt to get busy- after all, I was living the life of my dreams. Your reward lies ahead, I promise- but the sweetness can be sampled all along the way. Tomorrow is a new day- I hope it will be a better one for you. Denise