Monday, January 26, 2009

Day 62: Parenting

I should write a book on parenting. It would be called Parenting By the Seat of Your Pants. Some people buy into methods of parenting: Love and Logic, Dr. Sears, Attachment. My parenting style?? "Please, get me through this day, so help me, amen."

I have, apparently, successfully taught my children the following things:

1) You can't go to church without some raisins or crackers.
2) Christmas lights make great home decor all year long.
3) If you wake up in the night and feel bored, go sleep on the couch and watch a movie.
4) Macaroni and tomato juice with mounds of cheddar cheese = heaven
5) Quesadillas are called "cheese bundles."
6) If you don't want to do something, say "Just a minute."
7) As my daughter informed me today "Cookies aren't treats. Cookies are food. Treats are candy."
8) Exercise helps us not to be "puff." (Sometimes.)
9) When mama says "You're killin' me, Smalls" she doesn't mean *killing you dead*... she means she's rapidly turning into a pumpkin.
10) When mama says "I am going to LOSE it" you should probably dump out a container of something. Maybe whatever she's about to lose, is in there.
11) Counting to three equals something bad. (How do all children know this?? I've never administered a punishment because I've never reached 3. Somehow, they come with the fear of counting to three already programmed on their hard drives.)
12) You need to take a bite of everything on your plate. (Yes, you can close your eyes.)
13) Whining gets you nothing. (Well. They know the phrase "whining gets you nothing". In reality, whining seems to get them quite a lot, in spite of me.)
14) When we are angry, we should apologize. (Maybe after we fling ourselves on our beds and scream for awhile.)
15) We should clear our places from the table. (Although, if you are quite a bit shorter than the counter and you end up dumping your food off the plate, down your front, and on to the floor, mama might wish that she'd cleared it instead.)

Parenting wisdom at it's finest... What have you taught YOUR kids???

6 comments:

InkMom said...

I have taught my kids that no only are sandwich and toast crusts inedible, but once you've eaten the part you like, you're supposed to throw the icky crunchy parts onto the floor and crush them into the carpet.

Carolynn Spencer said...

This is hilarious. I had so much fun catching up earlier this afternoon that I had to come back tonight for the latest. I think I've taught my kids some of these same lessons, actually. Although, honestly, it's sobering when I think of the difference between what I actively try to teach them and what I probably do teach them without meaning to...This actually turned out to be funny AND thought-provoking, which is quite impressive.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

THAT is some good stuff, Becca. My kids have learned that if mom gets on the phone or computer, they can pretty much do whatever the heck they want because she is NOT a good multi-tasker.

They also know that every time we get in the car, everyone has to hurry as fast as they can to get their seatbelts on because we are LATE to wherever we're going.

They have also learned that a half-growl, half-sigh is worth a thousand words.

Anonymous said...

Yes, you should write a book on parenting- insightful and funny. It is the writing style I love the best from you (though you may wish it were otherwise). In answer to your challenge, I offer the following (most not original) #16- Saying "I pooped" will usually get you out of your carseat. 17- Spilled milk almost always distracts your parents. 18- The safest place in the entire house when it's dark is under the covers and between your parents. 19- It gets hot under the covers and between your parents. This can be fixed by making them turn their pillow over to the cool side. Repeat as necessary. Once again- nice, funny piece. I actually laughed out loud. Denise

Denise said...

Yes, you should write a book on parenting- insightful and funny. It is the writing style I love the best from you (though you may wish it were otherwise). In answer to your challenge, I offer the following (most not original) #16- Saying "I pooped" will usually get you out of your carseat. 17- Spilled milk almost always distracts your parents. 18- The safest place in the entire house when it's dark is under the covers and between your parents. 19- It gets hot under the covers and between your parents. This can be fixed by making them turn their pillow over to the cool side. Repeat as necessary. Once again- nice, funny piece. I actually laughed out loud. Denise

Erin said...

hahaha! love this post Becca!
you parenting style is all too familiar to me. i have taught my kids that you get dessert every night (darn my sweet tooth) and lots of other things that i wish i hadn't!