Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Day 76: Family Planning

There are a lot of older, nice looking southern gentlemen walking about in a confused daze at my local Walmart tonight. Must be Valentine's Day coming up.

Wednesday nights are my weekly "alone time for mom" outing. Tonight, it was raining torrents, so I stuck close to home and wandered aimlessly around Walmart. As I was walking away from the pharmacy and towards the cosmetics section, there was an older guy. Wranglers. Ball cap. Sunglasses--at night. Standing smack dab in front of the "Family Planning" display. He was holding, I kid you not, a pregnancy test. Trying to look very interested while managing, instead, to look a little harassed. Yes, kind sir, it is a bit hard to be discreet when Family Planning is at the end of the Feminine Protection aisle. I understand.

A little further down was a man trying to catch a Team Associate's attention to open the locked perfume display case. "I just need that there last bottle uh' Magical Musk perfume." Magical Musk? Heaven forbid. I can only hope it was a request.

As I continued to wander I saw more lost souls with carts that had blenders, huge stuffed bears, and wax lips. There was a dude in the "Intimates" section with his head in his hands. He was probably trying to decide between the size 22/24 Super Shaping girdle in his cart and the oh-so-skimpy zebra print thong and bra set in his hand. I saw him on the way out with some beer, a King Size Snickers bar, and jerky. Good choice, my friend. Good choice.


Denise said...

Okay- this is funny. Sitting here in my jammies, giggling with delight- I can picture every little scene. I loved the poor guy at the end the most- Denise

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Hilarious. I would rather get a nap for Valentines Day than anything that could possibly come home in a Wal-mart shopping cart.

Erin said...

walmart the night before holidays is always hilarious. my favorite is mothers day. there are always lots of men with kids piled in the cart at 10pm trying to find something for his wife.

Maree said...

LOVED the visuals! And I'm with Steph on the whole nap thing. My hubs actually got me a gift this year--perfect! He sent a pajamagram, and it was FLANNEL JAMMIES! I loved him a little bit more when I opened that!