Day 38: Time Out.

Tonight I'm feeling, as my daughter puts it, like my heart is "very tiny and three sizes too small." It doesn't matter why. So instead of eating dinner with my family I took a long, scalding hot shower and painted my toenails.

I have a bottle of nail polish. It's called "Bright Future" and it's pink. Not baby pink or tramp pink, but "I'm feeling fabulous!" pink. I bought it in 2007. My husband was about to celebrate his 30th birthday, so we (I) had booked a trip to an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica. We chose a reputable company, and then went with their most inexpensive room at their most inexpensive resort. I looked forward to going on that trip more than I looked forward to anything since my wedding, I think.

A few days before we left, I bought myself this nail polish as well as some press-on French manicure nails. Taking these completely silly purchases home with me, I painted my toes and pressed on my nails and felt delightfully glamorous. We packed our bags, dropped our kids at a friend's house (thank you, Lisa!) and got on a non-stop flight. It was obvious that we were headed to a vacation destination because: A) half the people were wearing (obnoxious) bright colors and B) The other half of the people on the plane were roaring drunk and singing pirate songs by the time we touched down.

We were greeted at the airport with "Ja mon, no problem mon, do you have anything to declare, mon?" and happily got our complimentary herbal tea at the resort's welcome center right there in the terminal. One free transfer later and we checked into our room. We raced to change into our swimsuits and, before I knew it, I was standing waist deep in the most beautiful, warm, azure blue water I could've imagined. The Caribbean sea stretching out before me. Children happily playing at a good friend's house. Someone else making dinner and washing my dishes. At that moment, I looked down at my toes wiggling in the sand, and my Bright Future nails looked like shimmering pink jewels in the sand. Never has a color been so perfect for a place or a mood.

So, on nights like tonight, when everyone's grumpy because it's the "Off Season" here in the Carolina's and it's been a little foggy and gray for a couple days, I pull out my nail polish. I paint my toe nails. And for just one minute? I'm perfectly content.