tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1838442434184474812.post2038531540171581063..comments2023-07-20T03:59:35.959-04:00Comments on The Little Author That Could: Day 24: StarBeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003367723852198095noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1838442434184474812.post-10070268230618341532008-12-15T08:41:00.000-05:002008-12-15T08:41:00.000-05:00I agree with the other comments. There just isn't ...I agree with the other comments. There just isn't enough to this for it to be really interesting or even really believable.<BR/><BR/>You might try writing a character sketch of the shepherd that doesn't have anything to do with the angelic visitation. He may have been changed for the rest of his life after that event happened, but before, he was the same person he had been his entire life. If you explore exactly who he was before that experience, you'll have a fresh perspective from which to write this story all over again.<BR/><BR/>Good luck!InkMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05519976062467674531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1838442434184474812.post-75951460113173986792008-12-15T05:56:00.000-05:002008-12-15T05:56:00.000-05:00I must agree with Dave: it doesn't sound very auth...I must agree with Dave: it doesn't sound very authentic to me either. But I think we are both biased, because we know you were not there :-) I think writing it as a third person would already improve it quite a lot. Then the reaction to the angel could be nuanced a bit. Isn't there some shock first? Don't they get to talk to each other to make sure they all saw the same thing? What happens when the news starts to sink in, 20 minutes later? The description of how the previous day went could also help (maybe?). Keep in mind, shepherds are very simple minded people, usually. It's a nice idea though, and it put me in Christmas mood (and you know we Europeans don't do Christmas until at least December 20th or so :-) To make it a children story, you would need to simplify it quite a bit indeed. <BR/><BR/>CristinaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1838442434184474812.post-57289354721828202912008-12-14T23:19:00.000-05:002008-12-14T23:19:00.000-05:00Okay, so my husband didn't really like this entry-...Okay, so my husband didn't really like this entry--or, I guess, it would be more accurate to say that it was kind of "blah" for him. He said, correctly, that it didn't really offer anything new. What I was trying to do, and I want to figure out how to do *better* is to describe (bring to life) the feelings of these shepherds (regular people) on that night. Going from a normal night, to terror, to non-comprehending awe, to joy. I think you would have a million thoughts all at once. If this were to be a children's book for example, then I would want to cut WAY down on the word count, while still keeping the truth of the story. He also thought that the voice wasn't authentic--it was first person, but that person didn't know what they were really talking about. (Um. Yeah. That's true.) Anybody else have any thoughts?Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04003367723852198095noreply@blogger.com